I am convinced a crew of pirates have taken over my gym. Each morning at 0700 when I begin my workout I have the opportunity to watch the crew engage in throwing weights around, strutting in front of the mirrored walls while flexing their tattooed pecs and biceps. How do I know they’re pirates? Because I’ve seen pirate movies and I know what pirates look like. First, they have beards; second, they shave their heads; third, they wear earrings; fourth, they dress in shirts with the sleeves torn off. Now, so far I haven’t seen one with a parrot but perhaps they leave them in their trucks outside the gym. You know the trucks with oversized tires.
You might think this hyperbole but on Friday I counted no fewer than eight members of one of the pirate crews, bald heads, beards, tats and all. Now, one or two will sometimes wrap a bandana around their heads in the manner of a Do Rag. But I’ve seen that in pirate movies as well. As to the tattoos, well, they go up the arms from the wrists and down the legs from the bottom of the ever so large shorts they wear.
As a former undercover operative I see little efficacy in tattoos since they can be used to identify you from a distance. In fact though, that is what is desired by our pirates; to be identified from a distance as a member of a pirate crew and thus to be thought of as a dangerous person possessed of a powerful body. I’m sure they are nice pirates, you know Disney pirates and all but I still find it strange to see them sweating in the gym rather than pulling anchor chains and sail hawsers for their workouts.
Just an observation.